In the Middle
I feel like every time I write a post I am writing at the end of a great lesson that the Lord has taught me. I write AFTER the hardship has passed and therefore I write with a level of optimism that comes with a 'solved' or 'understood' problem. I have never wanted to write in the center of a lesson because it doesn't portray the person I want people to see me as, but I have realized that makes it selfish ambition and vain deceit. One of the reasons I haven't written in a while is because I have been busy, but honestly, whenever I do take the time to write I sit down and feel just, empty. I am in the middle of a lesson and because of that I feel like I am just waiting for the end, for God's wisdom for this season to come to me, and THEN I will have something to write about. However, some of my favorite parts of the Bible were written in uncertain times, in the middle of lessons, and when people were unsure. Because of that, I am choosing to write despite the fact that I haven't reached the long-awaited conclusion of my current lesson because God's wisdom can still be found here, in the middle.
I think the hardest thing about being in the middle is the wait. If there is a problem, I like to have it resolved immediately. Unfortunately, the wait is often the most necessary part of learning. I know when I look back it was the active waiting, the praying, and reading while I sought the end, that actually brought my struggles to a close. Therefore the wait in the middle, not the conclusion, is the most valuable part of a lesson.
In Lamentations 3:25-26 it says:
“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”
Indeed, the Lord is good to those who wait for Him. However, it isn't just WAITING that this verse mentions, it also mentions SEEKING. In fact, the original Hebrew word for 'seek' in this verse is dāraš, meaning to seek with care or to inquire. Seeking is not twiddling our thumbs and sitting idly by waiting for the end of a lesson. Rather, it is an inquiry for knowledge. In our waiting, we must pray, read our Bible, and worship. We must inquire about the knowledge and wisdom of God. If we wait without seeking, we will never get to the end of our lesson. Reaching the conclusion, like everything with value, takes intentionality and effort. If we are not seeking the Lord then our waiting is in vain, He is the only one that can bring our lessons to their perfect conclusions.
However, just because the waiting is valuable doesn't mean you will FEEL its value whilst you are in it. Unfortunately, it isn't until after the wait is over that we truly appreciate the time we spent waiting. Like I say often, hindsight is 20/20. We can see many examples of the hopelessness and confusion that are often present in the waiting in the book of Psalms. One prominent example is in Pslams 13:1-2 in which David writes:
"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?"
I feel this is truly an example of what it feels like to be in the middle, it's the constant question to the Lord of 'How long is this going to last?'. It is not sinful to feel this way, it is honest, and I believe God would want you to be honest rather than lie about contentedness. It is hard to accept waiting and patience, especially in a difficult season. But what I have learned is that you can be content waiting in the middle if you think about it differently.
The middle, the 'now', is a gift (that is why it is called the present). When we accept that every waking moment whether difficult or easy is a blessing it becomes easier to feel content. Now I am a chronic pessimist who has a horrible habit of thinking the worst possible scenario is reality, and because of this training my brain to think in line with the Holy Spirit has been an extremely beneficial practice. For example, when I am waiting in the middle of suffering I remember James 1:2-4 which says:
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
This promise of God, that he is allowing my current state to produce good fruit so I may be lacking in nothing is such a beautiful promise. God loves me so much that he allows trials to grow me. That is a truly loving father, one who wants you and me to become HIS version of ourselves. While suffering is still suffering, this reminder puts my view of suffering in its rightful place. It isn't punishment, revenge, or a mistake; it is hard love from a faithful father--and I am blessed to have it.
Sometimes waiting in the middle isn't inherently full of suffering, but full of apathy. I find myself in these seasons often where I am simply wondering where to go, feeling confused, unmotivated, and a little 'meh'. (To be honest, that is very much where I am right now). A verse that helps to get me in gear is Romans 12: 9-13 which says,
"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality."
This entire passage is convicting in my times of apathy, but specifically the command to 'be fervent in spirit'. It is easy, SO easy to get stuck in the motions of life that we just sit like a pile of garbage and spend our 'wait' in the middle growing mold. It is okay to be tired and discouraged--but in those seasons, we can still fervently worship and praise God. We don't have to be full of energy to love the Lord with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength. Loving Jesus doesn't have to be a show with fireworks, it can be quietly praying, spending quiet time in the word, listening to worship music, and fellowshipping with other believers. We cannot stop our pursuit of God while in the middle and expect to get anywhere better than we already are. We know God is the WAY the TRUTH and the LIFE. Therefore to get anywhere we must pursue Him--even in our apathy and suffering.
The biggest biblical reminder for me when I am lamenting the wait is Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 which says,
"For everything, there is a season,
and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace."
This passage in Ecclesiastes reminds us that God has appointed seasons to their time, and it is not forever, but it has its place in our life. What is even better about this passage is that it highlights one important message for those in the middle--there is so much more to life than this current moment.
Being in the middle can feel so exhausting and discouraging, especially when you feel like you've been there for much longer than you should. But we live with the knowledge that God will fulfill his promises to bring us to completion, to work all things out for good, and (someday) bring us home to his perfection. But we must wait, we have no choice! At the end of it all, we have no control. We are on God's timing--thank goodness. So while we are stuck in the middle we might as well make the most of it by pursuing God fervently, growing into the people he wants us to be, and learning how to best glorify God in the 'now'.
I will leave you with one last encouraging verse:
Then the Lord answered me and said: “Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end, it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it, because it will surely come, it will not tarry.” Habbakuk 2:2-3
Thanks again for tuning in and reading up after another long hiatus. I am still learning how to best glorify God in the middle, and not sit around like a pile of garbage. As usual, I have a song recommendation for ya which is 'Wait On You' by Maverick City & Elevation Worship which is linked below. I love this song, and if you feel like you are in 'the middle' I know it will be encouraging to you, too.
Phil. 1:3-6
Megan
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